Outgrowing Relationships

We outgrow things sometimes. We outgrow people. We outgrow relationship dynamics. We outgrow patterns or habits of thinking, feeling, or reacting. We can outgrow dreams and ideas about how we would like things to be. It’s not always easy to release those people, things, ideas, dreams, patterns and truly move or shift out of the energy of them. It can be especially uncomfortable to move out of unhealthy relationships, especially when the person you are releasing all attachment to has played a pivotal role in your life in some way.

There can be quite a bit of resistance from other people when we grow out of these patterns of relating.  People may have feelings of anger, abandonment, rejection, fear, or loss come up for them, and will attempt to manipulate or control you in order to keep you in the relationship, and within the old paradigm of interacting with them.  Guilt trips can be difficult to weather, but its much better to deal with a relatively short-lived guilt trip and follow one’s own heart and intuition, than to abandon oneself by continuing to remain in painful and dysfunctional relationships.

“It takes courage and honesty to end a relationship—with friends, loved ones, or a work relationship. Sometimes, it may appear easier to let the relationship die from lack of attention rather than risk ending it.
Sometimes, it may appear easier to let the other person take responsibility for ending the relationship. We may be tempted to take a passive approach. Instead of saying how we feel, what we want or don’t want, or what we intend to do, we may begin sabotaging the relationship, hoping to force the other person to do the difficult work. Those are ways to end relationships, but they are not the cleanest or the easiest ways.

As we walk this path of self-care, we learn that when it is time to end a relationship, the easiest way is one of honesty and directness. We are not being loving, gentle, or kind by avoiding the truth, if we know the truth. We are not sparing the other person’s feelings by sabotaging the relationship instead of accepting the end or the change, and doing something about it. We are prolonging and increasing the pain and discomfort—for the other person and ourselves. If we don’t know, if we are on the fence, it is more loving and honest to say that. If we know it is time to terminate a relationship, say that.

Endings are never easy, but endings are not made easy by sabotage, indirectness, and lying about what we want and need to do. Say what you need to say, in honesty and love, when it is time. If we are trusting and listening to ourselves, we will know what to say and when to say it.” – Melody Beattie

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